Monday, February 10, 2014

Saturday Evening

This is the poem I didn't want to write

For to pen it is to pen the frailty of my own dreams
And of me

Once when I was shining I convinced myself, as all shining things do, that my sheen would emanate forever
Never put out by the black curtain of death
Or, more resoundingly, by the grey curtain of life

Now all that's iridescent is not my spirit,
But the shimmering smoke of the bar, the gleam of the sun in my unwilling morning eyes
The glitter of glass bottles and momentary abandon
The false belief that it will all one day

Get better

And shine again

I remain here
No longer young, but still deluded
No longer shining, but still aflame

Lost in the haze of broken promise that was thrust upon us,
But for which we will be blamed
A generation whose greatest fault was to be born when it was

But maybe some of us brought it on ourselves

Maybe I did
Maybe I did


Anonymous said...

I'm trying to absorb and figure this out. It seems like bad news, and that you might be on the verge of giving up.

One thing is for sure. Whatever bad has happened, you didn't bring it on yourself, at least not consciously.

Peace <3

naturgesetz said...

One never knows for sure whether the persona of a poem is the writer or fictional. So I don't know if the speaker in this poem is Brightened Boy or a fictional character. If it's you, I'd agree with Jay that the current situation isn't something to blame yourself for. Beyond that, the fact is that lots of people end up with a life very different from what they hoped or imagined when they were in college or just after, but it's not always bad: sometimes it turns out to be pretty good. So if it's you hang in there and try not to dwell too much on what wasn't fulfilled. And by the way, it's way too soon for you to think of yourself as "no longer young."

If the persona isn't you, it's a very well written look into the mind of someone who is unhappy with his life and despairing of meaningful improvement.

jo(e) said...