Twelve Years

Has twelve years ever been so vast? The world in which this blog started, on April 7, 2008, by and large no longer exists. That spring, we were in the midst of a conventional presidential primary process ahead of an election that, the 2008 financial crisis still being months away, seemed competitive. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton were holding substantive debates to determine which of them would carry the Democratic standard. Schools and businesses and government offices were open. People walked the streets. The stock market hummed along. I was all of nineteen.

That boy vanished, alongside the rest. Though maybe he's still around in spirit. And twelve years later we're living in a reality that has, across many dimensions, defied expectations of what seemed plausible. At moments it feels like the plot of a science-fiction movie, doesn't it? Or maybe an especially exhausting political thriller.

But thirteen years will come, and then fourteen, and then fifteen, and at some point we'll go back to "normal," hopefully a version of normal informed by the shortcomings this crisis exposed (though increasingly I have little hope my countrymen operate in a learning-from-mistakes kind of way).

In the meantime, I'm still BB, a thirty-one-year-old teacher living in Alaska and plotting his next move. I didn't do one of these last year--life, as it will, got in the way--so it would seem some updates are required.

My father David and stepmother Marie live on the East Coast and have both remarried since their divorce in 2014. My birth-mother, Anne, is there as well, as are all my siblings: twenty-four-year-old Thomas, a college student who's earned straight As every semester while pursuing a certificate in the medical field; sixteen-year-old Pie, a high school junior who's not so little anymore and now has a license; and thirty-year-old Powell, who's recently moved into a larger home with his girlfriend of several years. 

Whether I'll see them this summer, whether that's safe, is still up in the air. This year has already thrown many unexpected twists my way, and like everyone else I'm waiting to see what happens. Here's how it's been so far:

April 2019: Shortly after a signing a contract to remain one more year in Point Goldlace, I turn 31 years old.

May 2019: I depart Point Goldlace for the East Coast, where happy reunions with my grandmother and friends occur.

June 2019: Off to Russia, where new friends and experiences abound during my three weeks living in a Moscow flat and attending Russian-language classes at a university in the city.

July 2019: Back to the U.S. at month's end, where some precious weeks of summer yet remain.

August 2019: I return to Point Goldlace for a second consecutive school year (the first time I've ever been a returning teacher anywhere).

September 2019: Considerations of gender weigh heavily, and I confront the fact that I am very likely transgender.

October 2019: I begin seeing a gender therapist to help me sort through feelings on identity, sexuality, and gender, all of which proves a great deal more nuanced than expected. The nuance is tough, but confronting it is helpful. In Aurora City, I begin the application process for a non-education job I've wanted a very long time.

November 2019: As a second Thanksgiving in Point Goldlace rolls around, I am forced into honest reflection on my ability to remain in this community.

December 2019: A bid to save money results in my spending Christmas in Iceport, but what could have been a gloomy holiday is brightened up by the presence of Wise Woman and Miss Violet, both of whom travel from within Alaska to spend time with me at an Airbnb in the city.

January 2020: The Twenties begin, and with them come the first vague reports of a mysterious pneumonia-like illness in China. Three days after the New Year, I receive an e-mail telling me I've been invited to an in-person job interview on the East Coast.

February 2020: I make the difficult decision that I will not return to Point Goldlace after the end of the current school year. I begin an active search for employment.

March 2020: I sign a contract with a new school district despite an offer of renewal for a third year from Point Goldlace. The world shuts down, and my East Coast interview is postponed for the time being.

A year from now, I hope we're safer. Healthier. Wiser. And I wish you all a renewing spring.