Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Days Gone and Days Coming
As August dawns and the warmest season reaches its twilight, the spirit of summer seems to have been imbued with new life, with a self-generated energy that seeks to pretend away the holiday's inevitable and approaching end even as it enters its peak.
Amidst the visible preparations for the start of the Fall have been interpersed all the trappings of summertime, pursued now with full confidence that the yellow sun, which has held high in our Southern skies since May, can never set.
The last week has been a delightful whirl of relaxed and lazy diversions, undertaken with the aim only of laughter, only of smiles.
Sacagawea, my close friend and ex-girlfriend, came over to my house on Monday, August 3rd, and together we wiled away the hours by driving out to Western City to get fast food (Checkers was my restaurant of choice), gliding about in my pool, sitting in the hot tub, jumping on the trampoline, eating obscene amounts of caramel and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, and, of course, talking sex.
"I have to tell you," I said to her as we drove in my car on the way out to Western City. "I'm a bit intimidated by the idea of taking it up the ass."
"Oh, don't worry," she said. "It's really not that bad. It's actually kind of fun."
"Well, yeah, that's what I'm hop--" I began. "Wait a minute."
I looked over at her in the passenger seat, my mouth open.
She just got a sly gleam in her eye and laughed, whereupon I laughed and exclaimed, "I can't believe it! With who?"
"Marine Guy..." she said shyly, referencing her boyfriend of fifteen months. "It's really kind of nice. Just make sure you use lube."
This conversation continued all the way to Checkers, then all the way home, and eventually the topic of Bisexual Boy came up.
"I just don't know about him," I said. "I feel like he's not really interested."
"I don't know," Sacagawea replied.
"I mean, Gay Boy told me I really shouldn't go after him," I said.
Gay Boy is Sacagawea's twenty-year-old gay friend, whom she introduced me to in the hopes that we would hit it off. While we enjoyed each other's company as friends, we did not develop any type of romantic interest in one another. Gay Boy dated Bisexual Boy briefly and has warned me against the hazards of involvement with him.
"He kept saying to me, 'He's going to leave you after a week and break your heart,'" I told Sacagawea. "And I thought, 'That's not going to happen. Not that he won't leave me, because he might, but it won't break my heart.'"
Sacagawea laughed and covered her mouth, but I could still see her wide, mirthful eyes.
"Does that sound really bad?" I asked, giggling myself. "I mean, don't get me wrong, Bisexual Boy is really nice and I wouldn't say no to dating him, but I'm not going into it with that aim. I'm not really looking for a relationship right now."
"No, that doesn't sound bad at all," Sacagawea said. "Trust me, if I were single I'd be doing the same thing. I'm with Marine Guy and I wouldn't cheat on him, but sometimes I see a guy and think, 'Wow, I'd really like to mess around with him, and that's it.'"
"Well, yeah, that's kind of what I want to do," I said. I looked over at her. Something had changed in her tone. She seemed more at ease.
"Wait a minute," I asked. "Did you think I wanted to date him?"
"Yeah," Sacagawea replied.
"I knew you and Pocahontas were being weird about Bisexual Boy," I said. "I felt like you always tried to avoid answering any of my questions about him."
"Yeah," Sacagawea said. "I'm really obvious when I'm trying not to give a straight answer."
Gay Boy's words from weeks ago flashed through my mind: "Even if Bisexual Boy did like you, Sacagawea and Pocahontas would probably lie to you about because they don't want to see you get hurt."
"Never you fear," I assured Sacagawea. "A relationship is not what I want."
"See, you and Gay Boy are different," Sacagawea said. "Gay Boy's problem was that he really liked Bisexual Boy, and he kind of got his heart broken. Even now, he can't stand to be around Bisexual Boy. I think you would be able to just hook up with people and enjoy it. After the first time, I think you're going to be like, 'Yay, this is fun. Let's do it again!'"
She did a spot-on imitation of my child-like enthusiasm and sunny smile that had me cackling with laughter as we approached Mountain Town.
"You know, you and I need to get good and drunk together," I said.
She looked confused so I clarified, "Not just us, obviously, but us and some other people."
Her face brightened with the sudden spark of a brilliant idea.
"My mother is going away to the beach this weekend," she said breathlessly.
Already I could feel a conspiracy brewing.
"For how long?" I asked.
"Friday through Tuesday," she said.
"Good, I won't have to take off of work then," I said. "How's Monday night?"
"Monday works," she affirmed.
Back at my house, Sacagawea remarked at how happy she was that I'd embarked "on the road to whoredom."
"Whenever one of my friends is talking to me about wanting to be a whore, I get so excited," she said. "I'm like, 'Yes, do it! Do it!' Then I don't have to feel like I'm the only one who's a freak."
"Well I really want to," I said. "I think I would enjoy oral sex very much, both giving and receiving. Wait--can you do both at the same time?"
"Yes, that's called 69."
"That sounds so awesome."
On Tuesday, August 4th, I hung out most of the day at Sacagawea's house, where I alternated between teasing Sacagawea's mother and being teased by Bisexual Boy.
Bisexual Boy mock-lambasted me the entire afternoon, lamenting my weight (or lack thereof), my abject gayness--"I don't know how anyone was surprised," he declared at one point--, my lack of male companionship, and how neatly I fit into the newly-out stereotype.
"Of course you don't want to be in a relationship," he said. "You're just a horny little gay boy."
At times, it was like he was just toying with me.
"I don't like skinny boys," he proclaimed as we sat in the living room.
Sacagawea and Pocahontas cracked up, with Sacagawea asking, "What?"
"So," I said, eyeing his tiny waist. "You hate yourself?"
"Yes," he asserted. "I hate my body type."
After he left, Sacagawea, Pocahontas, and I discussed the party attendees and the prospects of my being involved with Bisexual Boy, which Pocahontas, like her sister, seemed much more keen discuss once she'd learned that I was not seeking a commitment.
"I think he might be interested," Pocahontas said. "And if you were both drunk, definitely. Oh, my gosh! What if we played Truth or Dare, and I was like, 'I dare Bisexual Boy to make out with BB!'"
"Oh, please don't do that," I said. "I don't want either of us to be forced into it. If he wants to, then I want to, but I don't want to if he doesn't."
"Fair enough," Pocahontas said. "But if you've both been drinking..."
"I'm worried about that, though," I said. "I'm going to get drunk before everyone else. I can't handle alcohol to save my life."
"Please," Pocahontas said. "He's a lightweight, too. You won't be alone."
When the conversation about Monday was over, our attention turned to more important things, like making fun of Sacagawea's mother for her recent acquisition of a kitten, Cammy, whom she insists she will give away to another family yet on whom she continues to dote.
Awesome Mom found Cammy wandering around in the backyard and brought her inside, where before long she'd set up a room and purchased food and bowls, all while swearing that the situation was temporary.
"I wonder if someone left her here," Marine Guy pondered aloud.
"Or maybe someone didn't want her, so they brought her down here," Awesome Mom said, reiterating Marine Guy's statement.
Last night, I saw Awesome Mom for the first time since she rescued the tiny kitten.
"So, BB, do you want a new cat?" she asked.
"I'd love one," I said. "But my mom would never let me have one."
"We already have Heidi, and it would be more work around the house," I said. I stepped into the kitchen to pet Cammy, who was resting in Awesome Mom's arms. "I think it's adorable the way you're still acting like she's going to leave."
Sacagawea and Pocahontas laughed from the next room, but Awesome Mom smiled and said, "She is leaving, as soon as I can find someone to take her."
"Are you leaving, Cammy?" I asked the cat, stroking her as I made demonic, high-pitched baby noises. "Aw, Cammy, you're so cute. I think you're going to like living here."
More cackling from the living room, and a threat from Awesome Mom to kick me in the shins.
"So, Awesome Mom," I pondered. "Do you think someone left her here, or do you think someone didn't want her, so they brought her down here?"
That one brought on an uncontrollable fit of the giggles from everyone but Awesome Mom.
When Awesome Mom complained that the kitten sometimes scratches her, I asked, "So when are you getting her declawed?"
She fixed me with a withering stare, and I added, "You know, for the future owners."
In another bit of news, Beautiful Cousin moved into our house last Saturday, August 1st.
Pie's spacious playroom has been converted into the new high school graduate's bedroom. Our cousin will be attending a university about half an hour away from our home, and living with us will make her commute much easier.
I'm glad to have her with us; Beautiful Cousin is a hard-working eighteen-year-old whose abilities and industriousness have not been well served by poor, substance-abusing parents who have never made enough money to move out of the trailer that they live in in Hick State.
I showed her down to the basement, a bit apologetic that her quarters would have to be so improvised, but she seemed more than thankful.
"This is the first time I'll have lived in an actual house," she said. "And the first time I'll have had my own room."
I'm proud of my parents for doing what they can to help her.
Powell and I have tried introducing her around to our groups of friends, seeing as she doesn't know many people here. I've invited her, with Sacagawea's permission, to the party on Monday. Given that she and Sacagawea work in the same grocery store, the occasion will serve doubly as an opportunity for Beautiful Cousin to get acquainted with her new community and become friendly with a co-worker.
Powell has told me I should let her know about my being gay before the party, so she isn't particularly surprised if something happens.
That's what's been going on here.