Friday, November 23, 2012

I Should Have

I should have been a giant
A monument so high
I should have been the golden oak
Whose arms held up the sky

I should have been the morning
I should have been the light
I should have been the savior beam
That pierced the wall of night

You should know I did not lie
That I did not mislead
I thought that I could take our dreams
And turn them into deeds

I should not be what I am
As powerless as this
The gulf to what I should have been
Is such a deep abyss

You should know my tears are filled
By all I could not be
And by the squalor of myself
By loveless, hopeless me

I should have labored harder
All things I should have braved
Perhaps I should have always known
That we cannot be saved


naturgesetz said...

I am reminded of a college classmate of mine who liked to quote a saying of his father's: "Not failure, but low aim, is crime."

Jay M. said...

Very sweet. Nice piece, BB.
But naturgesetz is right with his quote!

Peace <3

dawn marie giegerich said...

Such a sad song, you wrote this? I am sorry for your feelings of inadequacy. You seem to have incredible insight and the ability to communicate that.

Arizaphale said...

'Loveless, hopeless me':
They should write a gay version of the book "He's Just Not That Into You" because the one thing it taught me was that just because one person does not love you, does not mean you are loveless, it just means you have not found the right person. In my (extensive and painful) experience, I had to get myself into a good place before I attracted anything that wasn't intrinsically negative. Or maybe 'attracted' is the wrong word. As a girlfriend once suggested, perhaps I was subconsciously seeking out inappropriate (unresponsive) partners in order to justify my own self doubt? Now I may be completely off beam here BB but I don't think 'labouring harder' is your answer. You are the golden oak. You are the morning for someone. You just have to really see that in yourself and then that person will see you.