I Took This Seriously

Earlier this evening, an RA came to mine and Patrick's dorm asking us to fill out roommate agreements in which we were to share some basic facts about ourselves and write down our preferences with regard to quiet hours and the like.

The forms were presented as a series of questions. This is how I answered:

Roommate: BrightenedBoy Our Family

I am from: Bombay, India

My mood most of the time is: Lustful

My biggest pet peeve is: Those who reject the tenets of Keynesian economics

My idea of relaxing after being tense is: Translating The Odyssey from ancient Greek

Something that will usually cheer me up is: Ritualistic chicken sacrifice to Apollo

I have the following dietary restrictions and/or allergies: No off-white eggs (white or brown only)/allergic to sunlight

I have shared a room before: Yes

I am 23 years old.

I plan to be involved in the following activities this year: Operatic singing (2-3a.m. only)

I have a job (Yes) and it will affect my time in the room by... I am a U.S. Air Marshall

I usually eat my meals: While crying and screaming, "No one will ever love me!"

If you would like to socialize with me, please... Tap me on my thigh and wink suggestively.

Something else I'd like you to know: I am a communist*

*This is a lie

CDs/DVDs/Movies: HANNAH MONTANA

TV/DVD Player: The View

Computer and related equipment: Mac*

*Also a lie

Appliances: Easy-Bake Oven!

Furniture: Water bed

Food: My emotional crutch

If you borrow something of mine: I will declare a blood feud

Anything else others should know: Do NOT touch my dildo

PRIORITIZE THE FOLLOWING (1=Most, 3=Least)

Sleeping: 1 ∞

Studying: 0

Socializing: 1 ∞*

*If I had friends

I expect to go to bed by: The side of a beautiful woman

I expect to get up most mornings by: Animalistic shrieks

My earliest class is: 7:20p.m.

This is how I prefer my sleeping environment: Dark as Patrick [who is Hispanic] and quiet

This is how I prefer my studying environment: N/A

This is how I prefer my socializing environment: Disco ball/pulsing beat

I generally feel this way about noise: Conflicted

Guests will be allowed (circle your preferences): Anytime

Guests of the opposite gender are (circle your preferences): Okay at certain times: SwingFest 2011

Guests may spend the night (circle your preferences): Anytime

I will let you know I have a concern by: Passive-aggressive refrigerator notes

If you have a concern, please let me know by: A thoughtful but entertaining song-and-dance routine

I do not like it when others communicate their concerns to me by doing this: Punching me in the face

I was a bit disappointed to discover that Patrick had given at least semi-serious responses for some of the questions (although he was kind enough to list "my roommate" as his biggest pet peeve and "people who sing" as something he doesn't like). I had hoped the resident advisers would think we were both complete idiots instead of just thinking that about me.